One Week

Saturday: 10 miles (4 miles warm-up; 10k race)

In one week, I leave for Boise. I am running a marathon! Wow, that is all I have to say about that. I raced last week, and felt great the first five miles. I had pulled a muscle in my calf the Thursday before, and really had troubles with it the last mile. My time was okay still. I averaged about an 8:15 minute mile. I have been running so slowly getting ready for the marathon that I wondered what my pace would be. I believe it would have been around 8 minute miles if I wouldn't have had the pain. I have tried to pick up the pace a bit lately. I realize that the marathon is not my ultimate goal. I will still run when it is over, so I have to start looking beyond the run to the future.

I posted my blog on facebook today. That was scary for me and I don't know exactly why. I am still shaking as I type. Maybe it is because writing this is very personal for me. I don't really write anything about my "real" life, but in a way I write everything about my "real" life. Maybe I'm afraid everyone will read it, and judge me, or maybe I'm afraid no one will read it, and I will judge myself. Then I realize, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. This is for me, and I enjoy it, and it inspires me. Maybe it will inspire someone else, maybe it won't, but it doesn't change me. Why are we so critical of ourselves? Or more to the point, why am I so critical of myself.

I had a birthday a couple days ago and I am old. There is a song we sing in Primary that says, "Another year older and wiser too," I most definately must be getting wiser, because I certainly am old. Today I would like to celebrate birthdays. I am older, one year older than last year to be exact. I am wiser also. We seem to think of aging as a bad thing. We think of the negatives, not the positives. I love the idea of "growing old gracefully." We cannot stop time, people have been trying since the beginnig of time. We can, however, accept the change. Each year, I may be getting a little slower, but I am also getting a little wiser. I know how and when to hold back when I run. I know when I have a little more to give. I have a friend who is an amazing runner at 51 (or 52), and I believe she will only get better. She shows no signs of stopping anytime soon, or slowing down for that matter. She is much faster than I. She hasn't given up, and she doesn't believe she is too old to run. She is not! She will not be for a very long time, maybe for the rest of her life. Infact, at the race on Saturday, the oldest person was a woman 76ish years young. I believe that we are as old as we think. When we start believing we are too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too scared, too stupid, too smart, too whatever it may be, we limit ourselves. I limit myself, you limit yourself. Remember when your mother used to tell you that you could do anything? Remeber the other day when you told your child she could do anything? What happened? You can do anything! I can do anything, if I don't limit myself. For now, my sights are set on a marathon, who knows what the future will bring. Until then, I will keep running.